Sometimes the best stories are the ones that you don’t know how they will end. Maybe you know how you want them to end, but when you get there, it’s nothing like you imagined, but somehow, it’s even better.
I had a dream once, years and years ago, about a house. It started with an idea, you know, I want to go here and do this, a sort of build-your-dream-life house. The rooms progressed in an orderly fashion from point A to point B, fulfilling a logical, predetermined blueprint. When the house was done, it was neat and tidy, and orderly, and totally boring. It looked like a suburban home in a neighborhood built with 3 house plans to choose from. And this was the house that I thought I wanted. Then in my dream, I saw another house. I knew this was the house I could have, if I let go of my own tightly controlled plans. It was a crazy house. Wild, and blue and yellow. With turrets jutting out in odd directions, and circular towers with windows and flowers streaming from the planters. The house was crafted from all sorts of materials, stone and wood, and terracotta tiles on the roof. It did not look like it made sense, but it was beautiful to me. I want that house, I thought, and just like that, the dream was over.
I think maybe I am, just a little bit of a control freak. I usually think that I know exactly how something should go. But this life is a little crazy sometimes. Sometimes I think I can see the outcome, in an orderly, naturally progressing way, and then something takes a funny turn. Sometimes, this makes the story even better. Or at least, much more interesting. Sometimes, I want to write it differently, more how I imagined it to be, but even though it’s my story, I can’t.
Mafe asked me the other day what I wanted to be when I was a little girl. Other than being the fastest woman in the world, I wanted to be a mom. She could not imagine this. But what did you want to DO?! That’s it really, I’m doing it. I smiled, and she didn’t know how to respond because she could not comprehend the concept. These kids of mine constantly surprise me with their complexity, but they are so delightfully mine, that I cannot help but be enchanted.
So here’s to letting go a little bit, and maybe finding more than we ever imagined.